Even though we can intellectualize change, when unwanted, unexpected, sudden, or life-altering loss drops into our lives, we can feel everything from shock to increased irritability to numbness, bitterness, anger, detachment, resentment, and distance from others. We can feel insecure, preoccupied with our loss, or unable to show or experience joy.

A terminal diagnosis, the death of a loved one or pet, the end of a marriage or intimate relationship, becoming an empty nester, a friendship ending, or a gender identity change… these kinds of experiences reveal the illusion of permanence. Things that seemed constant and reliable are now difficult to grasp. Who am I if no longer a wife? What kind of life do I want to create now? How do I make meaning when I lose all interest in what was once my passion? How do I accept this new me? What if I can’t handle this?

There Is Support

The pain you are experiencing with these unexpected events is normal and universal.

Grief is real. Nobody escapes it. It is a shared human experience. It is a reminder of the fleeting nature of living. It’s a reminder of what matters to you in life, what you value, who you care about. Some may call such events wake-up calls or spiritual doorways. The preciousness of life comes into focus when what is familiar or comfortable is stripped away, and we find ourselves called into the experience of raw immediacy.

Grief hurts and it can hurt for a long time. Megan Devine states in her book title on grief, “It’s OK that you’re not OK.” It is not you that is broken or crazy. It is the culture we live in that is broken. Our medical model considers grief that lasts more than 6 months a disorder. It perceives grief as a pathology or a condition to change or fix. It is expected for those grieving to get on with their lives and return to normal.

Instead, we need to make time and space for grief to exist and become part of our lives. We need to allow being present, listening, and acknowledging the particulars of the felt grief. Staying right in the ebb and flow of your grief process is where the healing happens. Resisting it or wishing it away is like adding an extra layer of suffering.

As a therapist, I help bear witness to your grief, join you on your path, and support you in ways that are right for you. One moment at a time, with clear mindful attention and compassion we will witness the slow movement of your pain and integrate whatever is ready in your body, mind, and heart.

I will support you in living with your grief, allowing the truth of your experienced grief to exist and folding it into your life with acceptance and equanimity — love and loss, aliveness and emptiness, joy and sadness — like the many grieving souls who have traveled this tender place of inevitable, and understandable loss.